Life on the A-List

So far it's really hard being a celebrity at a major university. Since my new record went out the mother f*cking roof platinum, everyone really wants to know me, and what I'm about. The truth is it's tough. The other day I had 5 knocks on my doors. One was for an autograph, and the other 4 were from the neighbors telling me to "shut the hell up" because I'm singing Christina Aguilera too loudly in the shower. Her new CD is good...but it won't be as successful as mine.

VH1 called yesterday and asked me if I wanted to be on Divos Live 2006. At first I thought it was for DivAs live...and I said (in a chromatic scale:), "Yes, of course!" But then they told me it was actually DivOs live...which is like Divas Live, only for men. So far they only have Chris Kirkpatrick from N'Sync, Me, John Tesh, One of the guys from Milly Vanilly, 50 Cent, The drunk Backstreet Boy, an Elvis impersonator, and RuPaul...which is really confusing to me. But hey, it's money, and I can't turn it down!

I can't turn it down, because I'm the next big thing, you see.

The other day I was at Cheddar's (no, I don't go there often so don't go there and ask the waiters if they have waited on me before...besides I had my sunglasses and Diana Ross wig on the whole time, so they wouldn't have known), and this man comes charging towards me in a frenzy. He stopped at my table and asked me if I wanted anything to drink, and I said, "Ew no, get away you sickening paparazzi wannabe fuck."

Turns out it was our waiter, and I didn't get any service. So, I called Olive Garden to ask them if we could just come over there while they shut the restaurant down for me. After a long talk with the manager about who I was, he said no. So, we just stayed at Cheddar's.

Tomorrow I expect that everyone will want an autograph so I have to go sharpen my No.2 pencils. Ciao!