Where Is My Life Going?

Weather: Cloudy and Overcast, around 58 degrees.
Setting: In the Lane Center with Matt, having a chat about our lives.
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...now on to my thoughts.

Today Matt and I hung out for a couple hours. After he withdrew from band, we went to get him new tires and then we chilled in the Lane Center for a while before I had to meet my friend Beth for dinner. While we were sitting there talking we talked about our lives and where they are going.

Matt seems to really enjoy life. He's a great guy and knows exactly what he wants to do and exactly how he is going to go about doing it. Matt and I are very different people but as much as we are different is as much as we are the same. We laugh at the same things and we always find each other making the other person laugh. He's lived everywhere and has had a lot of success with his music career. He is an instructor of The Magic of Orlando drum and bugle corps which he teaches every summer. He is an amazing sax player, and he already has a degree and is now seeking his second. The first in adventure sports, and now for music education. Through his travels he's seen a lot of people and been a lot of places. Most of all, he's made a lot of friends. He's talked to me about how he has grown really close to certain people in certain areas but had to leave them, and talked about how he makes trips to visit them and it's not as hard for him as it would be for most other people.

That's Matt and this is me.

Matt is able to just detach himself from his friends when he has to leave and I don't think I could do that. If I end up transferring next year, like I plan on doing, I don't know what I am going to do. I mean yeah wherever I go I will only be a stone's throw away from my friends because the schools I am looking at aren't too awfully far away from where I am. But I am getting so used to this university and the people situated within it that it's going to be really weird to just suddenly forget about everything that I had done in the previous year.

This is just a minimal realization. I am going to have to do this all my life. I mean, once I graduate from college I am going to have to go out and look to start a career. I don't want to have to make brand new friends everywhere I go. Sure, I'm a social person, but the people I love the most are going to be spanning out all over the place and that's sad to me. I want stability in my life; I am so sick of change. Growing up, that's all I did was move from house to house and was forced to make new friends. You'd think I would be used to it by now right? No, I'm not. I'm sick of it and I want it to stop.

What it comes down to is that I know this university is where I need to be. I've met Matt and a few other people that have truely impacted my life, and for that I am already satisfied with the fact that I am here. However, I know that this isn't going to be the university for me for the next couple years and I don't want everyone to just forget about me. Is that selfish? It probably is. I don't know any better. I'm rambling and my writing isn't very good right now, but I'm pouring my emotions out on to this keypad and that's okay. Right?

I think the question right now is why am I realizing this now? Why didn't I get all depressed and sad before I came here. I mean although I am coming right up the hill, I am leaving my life as a child and a citizen of Cumberland behind. There are people from high school I still haven't talked to, and why doesn't that make me as depressed as I am about leaving here?

I think what it comes down to is I really love my friends and I really love the friends I have made. I see so much potential in the friendships I have already created now and I don't want to let them go. Unfortunately, that's life, and there is nothing I can do about that. Maybe I should just be an adult and suck it up and deal with it.

Where is my life going? I love you guys.